Hello!

I have a fairly serious issue regarding my parents and my relationship w/ my boyfriend. I am 22 years old and I live completely on my own, however, my parents still offer me problems about my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. I enjoy him very much and the guy loves me very much. Unfortunately, my parents do not like him @ all!

The guy is 29 years old and the guy didn’t go to college (which is their biggest problem w/ him). The guy is a carpenter and they have issues w/ that. The guy had sum trouble having his life on track but the guy is doing pretty well now. Basically, every time I am w/ him I feel guilty because I fathom my parents are angry. I am going away w/ him that weekend for his birthday and I got the typical attitude from my parents when I mentioned it.

My mom stopped speaking to me for a week 1 time after I mentioned I was going over to my boyfriend’s house for the night. Now I can’t tell her where I am when I am w/ him and it is absolutely ridiculous inside my mind, especially since I do live on my own and pay everything on my own. I have a great job and a great apartment and I do not really need my parents for anything.

They just can’t seem to let go, though. On top of all of that my boyfriend is starting to feel like I’m hiding him, which makes me feel awful. I feel like I’m always lying and hiding things and I just do not want to do it anymore. How do I handle my parents?

Please help! ================= Hello!

You handle it from realizing that it’s their problem – not yours.

Just because they’re your parents does not mean that they’re “wise”. Inside fact, that is down-right stupid! (Feel free to tell them I said so if you wish.) They feel that punishing you from withholding their enjoy is going to motivate you to do the things they want you to do. Frankly, that’s pretty screwed up, but not while screwed up while you letting them do it to you!

You’re an adult w/ your own direction now and you’re free to make whatever decisions about your life you wish to make. Your parents on the other hand are free to offer you the respect and coutesy you deserve inside those decisions. If they do not like them and they’ve told you (obviously) then they’re free to shut the hell up and treat you while an adult!

You have to help them here however. I’m not recommending that you astrange yourself from your folks, but frankly, if they insist on that childish game, then they do not deserve to have access to your life.

Inside fact, look @ what’s happening: you’re not changing your relationship, you’re just driving it underground. Is that really the kind of relationship your parents want w/ you? If so, then you haven’t lost very much inside my humble.

Tell them to back the hell off already. They do not have to enjoy your boyfriend if they do not want to, but they’d better damn well respect your decisions while the adult you’re – and treat you AND your decisions w/ respect. After all, they spent the first part of your life giving you the tools to make these decisions. To come back now and become unhappy about the way you’re using them does not reflect poorly on you, it reflects poorly on them.

Best regards… —————————————————————— Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me from going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For too many information about my books, “Being a Man inside a Woman’s Worldtm” (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show — BAM TV — starting soon!

Copyright (c) 2008, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.

About the Author

Dr. Neder, known around the world while a tough, but fair relationship expert, deals w/ all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man’s perspective. Having written 3 books (“Being a Man inside a Woman’s Worldâ,,¢” series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, the guy is funny, direct and intuitive. Vist http://beingaman.com for more!